With festive lights hanging in every corner, Christmas music humming in every shop, store, and office, and holiday party invitations awaiting your reply, it’s impossible not to be impacted by this holiday season. And with many of the people that I work with, hearing the tune, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” doesn’t bring glee – it instead beckons despair, like a throbbing wound that hasn’t had time to heal. 

Don’t get me wrong – we all have times of true joy and gladness in this bright and merry season. We love Christmas music some days. We can’t wait to decorate the tree on others. And then, like a light timer switch waiting to turn off, these symbols act as visible and auditory reminders of a life unsatisfied. Of the Christmases we once had that we’ll never get back. Of a relationship or family that used to fulfill us but just doesn’t work anymore. It can also feel like unexplained, yet constant, anxiety – a subtle and consistent humming of panic that can’t be understood or minimized. It also feels like dread for doing that obligatory tradition that you wish you could opt out of this year. 

We’re all filled with longing for the good ol’ days of our youth, the days that time has softened and morphed into memories that never happened the way we remember they did. But acknowledging the reality that maybe the good ol’ days weren’t as good as we concocted them to be doesn’t always make it easier – sometimes it makes the longing even more pronounced. 

And, at other times, taking a moment to grieve the reality that the holiday of Christmas, the past, and even the present are not what we needed them to be enables us to embrace this season for what it is: a new one. A fresh holiday. Another chance. A time to make one different step into vitality. Tangibly, maybe that means a new location on Christmas Day. Maybe that means an unfamiliar take on advent. It could look like gift ideas you’ve never entertained before. Or maybe it’s a new tradition that falls into your lap that you’re surprised you even like. It could be even more understated in that by simply acknowledging that the TV binge you’re partaking in this season is to numb the disappointment that threatens to overtake you. 

Any movement or change, though good and healing and necessary, is usually painful as well. We hate moving as much as we ache for the courage to do so. So this holiday season, embrace the ambivalence – the sense that we love newness and are also terrified by it, by blessing both parts. Not wanting to get rid of either. And sometimes, by embracing our mixed feelings, we find we can surprisingly enjoy life a little more deeply than before.

Tricia Ebel, MA, LPC, is passionate about helping the hurting, and helping individuals find hope in the hardest times. If you or a loved one would like to meet with her or any of our counselors, click here or call (720) 489-8555 to request an appointment.