Tell me more about that.

 

As a psychologist, this is a sentence I find myself saying all the time. I want to know people’s stories, understand what they are going through, and empathize with their pain. Sometimes they are walking through life experiences that I know something about personally. For instance, I have experienced depression. I’ve been through painful breakups. I’ve lost sleep over anxiety. Even though my experiences are undoubtedly different from theirs, I know a little something about what these times feel like. 

 

At other times, I know nothing about what my patients are experiencing. I was never sexually abused as a child. I’ve never been addicted to drugs or alcohol. I’ve never experienced hallucinations. There are many, many pains that I haven’t lived through personally–but that doesn’t mean I am incapable of helping people who are experiencing them. I just have to work harder. I have to do a better job of listening, of understanding, and of empathizing. If I really want to help someone, I have to understand their pain, and understand what it is like for them to feel this pain–not just on a surface level, but in a deep, meaningful way. 

 

Tell me more about that. 

 

As a white man, there is a lot I don’t understand about racial injustice. I have not experienced many of the same hardships my friends have. And I don’t understand–I can’t possibly understand–what these experiences have been like for them. But that doesn’t mean there is nothing I can do.  It doesn’t mean that I should stay silent. I have to work harder, to do a better job of listening, of understanding, and of empathizing.

 

So that’s what I am trying to do. I am trying to listen. A friend recently told me of his experience of being pulled over by a police officer. It hurt listening to his story, knowing it was an entirely different experience from what it was like for me the last time I was pulled over. Another friend told me what it was like for her to walk her dog with her kids through her neighborhood. Her account shocked and saddened me, knowing it was not at all what it is like for me to walk my dog with my kids every day. A close friend recounted to me his experience at a job interview. It was nothing like any interview I’ve ever had.  

 

So I keep listening. Tell me more about that. . .

 

Do I know how to fix racial injustice? No, I don’t. But I do care. I want to know your story. I want to understand. I want to empathize. I want to listen. And maybe, just maybe, our world would be a little better place if we all listened a little more. 

So please, tell me more about that.