Grief is a profound experience that touches every aspect of our lives when we lose someone or something deeply cherished. We recognize that navigating grief is not a simple journey but rather a complex process that unfolds uniquely for each individual. This blog discusses and explores the five stages of grief, as made famous by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and the inclusion of a lesser-known sixth stage proposed by David Kessler. These models of grief give common language that reflect a person’s intricate path towards healing and finding meaning.

Stages of Grief

  • Denial: Often the initial response to loss, denial serves as a buffer against the overwhelming emotions of grief. It can manifest as disbelief or a sense of numbness, allowing individuals to gradually come to terms with the reality of their loss at a pace they can handle.

Phrases a person might say in the denial stage of grief:

      1. “This can’t be happening. It must be a mistake.”
      2. “I’m sure they’ll walk through that door any moment now.”
      3. “I just need to wait a little longer; they’ll come back.”
      4. “It doesn’t feel real. Maybe if I ignore it, things will go back to normal.”
      5. “I don’t believe it. It’s all just a bad dream.”
  • Anger: As the reality of loss sets in, it is natural to feel anger. This stage may involve frustration, resentment, and even feelings of injustice. It is important to acknowledge and express these emotions in healthy ways, understanding that anger is a part of the healing process.

Phrases a person might say in the anger stage of grief:

      1. “Why did this have to happen to me?”
      2. “It’s not fair! I feel so betrayed.”
      3. “I’m so angry at this person for causing this.”
      4. “I can’t believe they’re gone. It’s just not right.”
      5. “I feel like screaming. This anger is consuming me.”
  • Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may attempt to negotiate with a higher power or seek to make deals to reverse the loss. It reflects a desire to regain control or find a way to alleviate the pain of grief.

Phrases a person might say in the bargaining stage of grief:

      1. “If only I had done things differently, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
      2. “I promise to change if he can just come back.”
      3. “Please, give me a sign that they’re okay.”
      4. “If I pray harder or do something good, maybe things will turn around.”
      5. “I’d give anything to have more time with them, just one more day.”
  • Depression: Feelings of deep sadness and despair are common as the full weight of the loss is processed. This stage may involve withdrawing from others, feelings of emptiness, and a sense of hopelessness. It is a crucial phase for processing and accepting the reality of the situation.

Phrases a person might say in the depression stage of grief:

      1. “I just don’t see the point anymore.”
      2. “I can’t stop crying. I feel so lost.”
      3. “Everything feels meaningless without them.”
      4. “I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again.”
      5. “I miss them so much. It hurts more than I can bear.”
  • Acceptance: Reaching acceptance does not mean forgetting or no longer feeling the pain of loss. Instead, it signifies coming to terms with the reality of the loss and beginning to adjust to life without the person or thing that was lost. Acceptance allows individuals to integrate the loss into their lives and move forward with a sense of peace.

Phrases a person might say in the acceptance stage of grief:

      1. “I miss them, but I know they wouldn’t want me to be sad forever.”
      2. “I’ve started to find peace with what happened.”
      3. “I’m beginning to see a future without them.”
      4. “I’m grateful for the time we had together.”
      5. “I’m learning to cherish the memories and live my life.”
  • Finding Meaning: David Kessler, building upon the foundational stages of grief, introduced the concept of finding meaning as a sixth stage. This stage acknowledges that beyond acceptance, individuals can find a deeper purpose or significance in their loss. It involves seeking ways to honor the memory of what or who was lost, finding personal growth through the experience, or discovering new meaning and direction in life.

Love and grief are inextricably intertwined. – David Kessler

Non-Linear Nature of Grief

It’s important to note that these stages are not a strict progression from one to the next, nor are they experienced in the same way by everyone. Grief is a highly individualized journey where individuals may move through the stages in different orders, revisit stages multiple times, or even experience several stages simultaneously. This non-linear process reflects the complexity of human emotions and the unique nature of each person’s grieving experience.

Supporting the Grieving Process

At Grace Counseling, we provide a safe and compassionate space for individuals to explore their grief journey. Through counseling, support, and spiritual guidance rooted in Christian principles, we aim to help individuals navigate through the stages of grief at their own pace. We encourage those grieving to seek support from loved ones, faith communities, and professional counselors who can offer empathy, understanding, and practical coping strategies.

Grief is a profound testament to the depth of our love and connection with others. By understanding and honoring the stages of grief, including the meaningful addition of finding purpose and significance in loss, we can support one another on the path towards healing and restoration. At Grace Counseling, we are here to walk alongside you during this journey, offering hope and healing in the midst of grief’s challenges.

If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, please do not hesitate to reach out by contacting our office to schedule an appointment. Together, we can navigate this journey towards healing and finding meaning.

References

Kessler, D. (2019). Finding meaning: the sixth stage of grief. First Scribner hardcover edition. New York, NY, Scribner.

Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving: finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. New York, Scribner.