-Written by Jessica Parks

Emotions are a powerful force. All of the major moments of our lives are marked by powerful feelings. If you were to stop and think of the 5 best moments of your life, chances are they are marked by feelings of happiness, delight, gratitude, exhilaration, or triumph. If you were to think of the most difficult moments of your life, they might include experiences of sorrow, grief, despair, rage, or shame. Because of their power, emotions can feel overwhelming or confusing. In this article, we’ll look at a few of the most common misconceptions about emotion.

Common Misconceptions about Emotions

1. “It’s wrong to feel that way.”

Instead of judging emotions as good or bad, acknowledge that they can be uncomfortable, painful, or even scary to feel. The core emotion is not bad or good – it simply is your body communicating to you and prompting you towards action. In their book, Why Emotions Matter, Jon and Tristen Collins say that emotions act as “a dashboard” for your body and brain. Emotions act as a check engine light to let us know when something in our life needs our attention. The actions we choose to take in response can be harmful and destructive, or they can be compassionate and connecting. But either way, the emotion itself does not force us to act in any particular way. We have the opportunity to learn compassionate, wise courses of action in response to our emotions.

2. “But, if I pay attention to my emotions, I’ll be controlled by them.”

Being aware of and curious about our emotional state is not the same as knee jerk reactions and spouting off. There is a small space in time between noticing our emotional state (“I feel angry”) and choosing how we respond to that emotion. The more we engage with non-judgmental curiosity about what our emotions are signaling, the greater that space becomes. We get to choose how we respond, both to others and to ourselves. If you struggle with knowing how to do this or tend to get stuck and dysregulated in your emotions, consider talking to a therapist. This is a skill that can be practiced and learned!

3. “The best way to deal with emotions is to ignore them.”

Pushing down, denying and ignoring emotions doesn’t make them go away. Our bodies produce emotion all the time, every day, in response to what is happening to and around us. If we pay attention, we can often notice our bodies sending warning signals long before we get to a state of overwhelm. Loving others and ourselves well can look like attending to emotions in a healthy way before destructive behavior occurs.

4. “But I’m not an emotional person…”

Neuroscience has shown that even our logical thought processes are far more influenced by emotion than many of us would assume! Emotions are a great source of information to pay attention to if we can take a curious, learning posture towards them. Every emotion has a purpose – even the ones we don’t enjoy feeling. Emotion allows us to connect with ourselves, others, and with God. Without emotion, we would have no personality, no passion, no creativity, no drive – we would be like robots. Emotion is a gift!

In this series on Navigating Emotional Wellness, we have discussed the purpose of emotions and common misconceptions about emotions. In the final blog of this series, we will explore some tips for challenging these misconceptions and improving your emotional health.

Jessica Parks is a counseling intern at Grace Counseling, offering reduced cost services to teens, adults, and couples. She is eager to help people unpack the difficult emotions and discover healthier ways of understanding their emotions. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Jessica, contact her or call the front desk!