-Written by Jessica Parks

“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” – Anne Frank

We’ve explored in this series what emotions are, their purpose, and some common misconceptions about emotion. We discussed why, as Anne Frank says, feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient they may be to us. When we do ignore them, we often set ourselves up for a variety of problems. But what are some ways we can engage with our emotions in a healthy way?

Tips to consider for emotional health:

DO:

    • Get curious about what your body signals are saying to you. Our bodies carry implicit wisdom and communicate important information to us.
    • Practice checking in with your body throughout the day. Scan from head to toe for 60 seconds. What do you notice? What areas are asking for your attention? Often our emotions start as physical sensations and experiences. They are neither “bad” or “good”, but simply present and asking to be noticed.
    • Name your emotional experiences. Most Americans can only name 3-5 emotions, but the English language contains hundreds of feeling words. The more we can put language to our experiences, the more likely we are to be able to recognize what we need and attend to ourselves appropriately.
    • Follow the words “I feel…” with an emotion, such as “frustrated”, “sad”, “disappointed”, “ashamed”, “overjoyed” or whatever fits. Notice if you tend to use the words “I feel” to express a thought or belief, rather than an emotion. This is common but can lead to the misconception that our feelings “lie”. In reality, our thoughts are sometimes misguided or untrue, but our emotions are truth-tellers. They give us important information.
    • Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Offer yourself the same kind of care that you might give to a good friend, a spouse, or a child.
    • Process your emotions. Journal, talk, practice yoga, breathe, pray, walk, dance, go to therapy… these are just a few healthy ways to move through our emotions!

DON’T:

    • Don’t pressure yourself to snap out of it or to feel better immediately. If we sit with our emotions, they often resolve once we’ve given ourselves the time, attention and care that we need.
    • Don’t judge or shame yourself for feeling any particular way. Ask yourself what compassionate action this emotion might be asking you to take.
    • Don’t confuse thoughts with emotions. Thoughts, beliefs, attitudes – or, as Brene Brown says, “the story I’m telling myself” – are different than emotions. Emotions are experienced in the body and then translated into thought processes and behaviors.
    • Don’t overidentify with emotions. They are a part of us, but they are not all that’s true about us. Emotional energy is similar to ocean waves – ebbing and flowing. We can ride the wave and trust that the feeling of the current moment, even if it is overwhelming, will pass.

 

Often a list of tips, such as this, can feel both overly simplified and extremely difficult at the same time. Is emotional health really as easy as a few bullet points on a page? No. The reality is that for all of us, this type of work is a life-long journey that we can choose to engage in over and over again. We may find such a list confusing, exasperating, defeating, or easier-said-than-done. But again- even that is emotional information that can signal something deeper to be noticed and learned from. If you find yourself wanting to dive deeper into this work or feel stuck doing it on your own, consider meeting with a therapist who can help you navigate this journey. You don’t have to do it alone.

 

Jessica Parks is a counseling intern at Grace Counseling, offering reduced cost services to teens, adults, and couples. She is eager to help people unpack the difficult emotions and discover healthier ways of understanding their emotions. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Jessica, contact her or call the front desk!