In the previous blogs in this series on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we have looked at four components of DBT (mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance) and a few skills to help get you started. Trying new skills and new ways of being can be difficult, and there are often barriers in the way of making the change that you want to see in your life. Below are a few of those barriers and if any of these resonate with you, it may be helpful to talk with a counselor who can come alongside you.

Barriers to Mindfulness

One form of caring for yourself can be through practicing mindfulness. However, sometimes we assume self-care is selfish or frivolous. It is easy to get caught up in our busyness and not set aside any time for self care. Sometimes mindfulness practices can look silly, or we are afraid to do them wrong. Sometimes our minds are so full of thoughts it is difficult to focus on one thing like our breath. We can come up with a million reasons to NOT practice mindfulness. What is the biggest block to Mindfulness for you? 

Barriers to Interpersonal Effectiveness

Relationships can be hard. Good relationships can be especially hard because they require constant communication. Whether it is a friendship, romantic connection, parent/child relationship, they all have complicated dynamics. Sometimes we feel like one person in the relationship is doing all the work. Sometimes we feel like they just don’t hear, or worse, don’t seem to care about our needs. It can seem easier to shut down and disengage from relationships, or even to put up walls and decide never to let anyone get close. This leaves us lonely. Practicing interpersonal and relational effectiveness skills takes work and energy.

Barriers to Emotion Regulation

The idea of controlling powerful emotions like anger, rage, panic, and deep sadness can seem impossible. Sometimes we think that because of the way our family operates, or because of circumstances beyond our control we will never be able to regulate our emotions. It is true that there is much beyond our control. What we can control is how we respond to our emotions. Emotion Regulation skills can help you begin to build personal strength and help you have a sense of control over your emotions, rather than being controlled by them.

Barriers to Distress Tolerance

Handling distressing situations requires a lot of us. Constant noise from classmates during exams, unrealistic expectations from bosses, waiting our turn in a really long line at the grocery store are all examples of ways we have to exert distress tolerance. When we cannot handle distress, it can be difficult to avoid the principal’s office, hold a job, and accomplish daily tasks. Instead of tolerating distress and building resiliency we sometimes give in to urges like self harm, binge eating, gossip, and other self-sabotaging behaviors. Sometimes the skills that have previously worked in the past are no longer working. In the previous blog post, you can find a few skills to help get you started in these areas. These can help you build up your resilience so that you can stand up to destructive or harmful urges when you are under distress.


If you are ready to take the next step in overcoming these barriers and learn about how to implement skills from DBT into your every day life, contact one of our DBT specialists at Grace Counseling. You can work with a therapist individually or join one of our DBT groups for teens or adults. Contact the front desk to learn more or to request an appointment at 720-489-8555.

Jess Gerthe, M.A. was one of Grace Counseling’s interns and helped lead the DBT Group for teenagers.