In this blog series, we have explored what Dialectical Behavior Therapy is and if it might be a good fit for you or your adolescent. A big part of DBT is skills training to help you manage life more effectively. Learning new skills and getting started with change can be daunting!  Here are a few simple practices that you can try at home in each of the four areas of DBT: Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. If you are ready to do more in-depth DBT work, we have groups for both adults and teens or you can work individually with one of our therapists. 

Mindfulness techniques to try at home

  • Tapping: If you are at work or school and you are experiencing anxiety you can try this technique to relax. Place your hands on your knees and use your first two fingers to tap on alternate knees. Match your tapping with your inhale and exhale. Try to increase the time between taps and the time between breaths. Slowing your breath and focusing your attention on a physical sensation such as tapping can help reduce your anxiety, allowing you to return to the task at hand with greater focus.
  • Breathing technique: Begin by sitting in a comfortable position, in a place free from distraction. You can close your eyes if you choose. Take a few moments and draw your attention to your breath. Take three deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Notice the pause at the top and bottom of each breath. As you breathe in notice your lungs fill, and as you exhale notice your lungs empty. Try to make each exhale longer than the last. If distracting thoughts come into your mind simply notice them and draw your attention back to your breath. As you breathe, notice your heart rate slow and your muscles relax. You may do this exercise for as long as you like, and can do this virtually anywhere.

Interpersonal Effectiveness exercises to try at home

  • “I feel” Statements: One of the most important Interpersonal Effectiveness skills is to use “I feel” statements instead of using the word “you”. This helps keep the other person listening to you instead of feeling defensive. Another important Interpersonal Effectiveness skill is learning how to say “no.” The word “No” is a full sentence. Sometimes our relationships feel taxing because we do not know how to set boundaries. Remember, you have permission to say no when someone asks you to do more than you agreed to or when something doesn’t feel right.
  • For Anger / Rage – Look Forward
    When someone is irritating, or a situation is unfair, we can have a desire to use violence, aggression, and cruel words. Remember to look to the future by imagining what positive and negative effects your emotional response could have. It can also help to have something positive to look forward to after a task or interaction that is frustrating. If math tests make you angry, plan to get ice cream after. If you have a meeting with a particularly frustrating boss, plan a walk in the park afterward. Remember to look forward and not dwell too much in the negative feeling in the present.

Emotion Regulation techniques to try at home

  • For Depression / Hopelessness – Positive Self Talk: Positive self talk does not mean that we gaslight ourselves about our depression or low self esteem. Rather, we want to extend kindness to ourselves, offering empathy as we would to a friend who is sad. We also want to reframe our language. Instead of “I am terrible at math” we can reframe to say “math is a subject I struggle with”. Instead of saying “I am worthless because I am different from so-and-so” we can say “I am my own unique person, and my strengths and weaknesses are different from so-and-so”

Distress Tolerance techniques to try at home 

  • Ice Cube: Set a timer for 30 seconds. Take an ice cube and hold it in your fist. Be sure to focus 100% of your attention on the ice cube. The way it feels in your hand, the way it begins to melt, the urge you have to drop it or let go. Focus on the emotions it brings up and the energy it takes to hold the ice cube. Now set the timer for 30 second again. Hold a new ice cube in your fist, but this time use your other hand to color, draw, or even scroll social media. Allow your attention to focus on the second task, not on the ice cube in your hand. What did you notice? Was it easier to hold the ice cube the second time while you were focusing on something else? Similarly, when we focus our attention on something pleasant or enjoyable instead of the distressing thing we are far better able to tolerate distress.

If you or your teen could benefit from learning more about DBT, then contact the front desk to learn more about our DBT groups or contact Dr. Jessica Pae at jpae@gracecounseling.net to find out if the Adolescent DBT group is right for your teen. 

Jess Gerthe, M.A. was one of Grace Counseling’s interns and helped lead the DBT Group for teenagers.